Rachel Fisher

Ecclesiastes 4:4-6
4 And I saw that all toil and all achievement spring from one person’s envy of another. This too is meaningless, chasing after the wind.

5 Fools fold their hands
and ruin themselves.
6 Better one handful with tranquility
than two handfuls with toil
and chasing after the wind.

Reflection:
Last year, I got invited to not one, but two destination weddings for women with whom I had recently become fast friends. I felt so fortunate to be included in their respective celebrations. However, because we only knew each other through one mutual friend, I was keenly aware of the fact that I would be acquainted with hardly anyone at their nuptials. Addressing a heightened sense of dread in being the perceived “seventh wheel,” I set a goal for myself to secure a date by the first ceremony, held just before Thanksgiving. Sounds like a realistic expectation and not at all a recipe for disappointment, right?!

Ha! Despite a good effort (numerous lackluster dates with nice-enough guys), November crept upon me, and I still had no plus-one. Feeling like a failure as I departed for the east coast alone, I took a deep breath and remembered why I was putting myself through all this toil in the first place, why making this trip was worthwhile.

For better or worse, I had already witnessed exactly what “showing up” meant for this group of friends. Just one year prior, the bride’s father tragically passed away, and the way they rallied behind one another in love and support was awe-inspiring. I recognized what a treasure it was to join them in their deep bonds of friendship, and I was not about to let my relationships with them slip away due to my lack of achievement.

And what a monumental weekend it would prove to be: not only did I solidify my companionship with people I adore and admire, I experienced what I consider to be a true epiphany of love…but not in the way for which I had initially planned.

All became clear at the rehearsal dinner: standing alone in a corner, I caught an authentic reflection of myself grinning, laughing at a silly child next to me. My shoulders were back, and my head was held high; I still was disheartened, nevertheless, I was proud of myself for just being there. Turning my attention toward the front of the room, the bride’s sister began speaking with tears in her eyes. She conveyed what we all felt, how this was a happy day, but it was also a  very, very difficult day because their father was not physically present. 

I wept. For my friend’s family, yes, but also for my own. You see, my friend’s story is not so different from that of my mother’s: her father—my grandfather—was also too sick to attend her wedding, passing away before I was born. At that moment, I grieved for a man who meant so much to me despite having never met. I experienced firsthand the sadness that my parents must have felt…but also, the incredible love from those supporting them.

It overwhelmed me, how much love this family had for one another, and I was beside myself with gratitude, grief, and every emotion in between. Yes, those original feelings of loneliness were still apparent, but they were meaningless in comparison to the all-encompassing presence of tranquility. Love—the thing I desired so earnestly—was still carrying me through, still giving me hope, even in this moment of heartbreak so far from home.

And this love that had gone before me would continue to work its wonders. Little did I know back in November, I would soon be mourning the loss of my remaining grandfather in just a few, short months. Two great losses. Two legacies of love never gone.

It would have been easier for me to stay home. I was embarrassed and felt sorry for myself, and most people would have probably understood. But by the grace of God, I was brave enough, née faithful enough, to unfold my hands and see what my creator had in store for me. The crucial determination between feeding our own vanity and serving Christ faithfully is our willingness to swerve, to take in the love he is pouring out, even if it does not resemble our initial plan.

Had I not been by myself that night, standing alone, in that corner, I doubt I would have seen God’s grace in all of this. I never would have learned how my own pursuits are powerless compared to the peace that comes from trusting God’s guiding hands. Crying alone at a party was not the enchanting fairytale of which I had dreamt, but it was beautiful. It was unforeseen, but it was the truth. And that, that is true love.

Prayer:
Heavenly Father, I ask that you fill my heart with your love. Give me strength when I am weak, hope when I am weary, and reassurance when I am woeful. Bless my family, my friends, and those surrounding me; I am so very thankful you have given me such a bountiful life. Amen.