Rachel Fisher, Children’s Ministries Communications Specialist

Matthew 18:1-5

1 At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, “Who, then, is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?”

2 He called a little child to him, and placed the child among them. 3 And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. 4 Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. 5 And whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me.

6 “If anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in me—to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.

Reflection:

I keep an extra pair of shoes in my office desk drawer that I only wear occasionally. They are black leather pumps with a modest heel and rubber soles, the perfect blend of classic style and comfort. Affectionately referred to as my “Sanctuary Shoes,” they blend perfectly with the long, black robe I wear while participating in worship and are sturdy enough to keep me from slipping on the marble steps.

The other day, I was wearing a cute, strappy pair of brown sandals. Sporting a slight wedge, these shoes are professional enough to wear to work but casual for the summertime. I wore them along with my navy and white star-patterned skirt, crisp, button-down white shirt, and—of course—red lipstick. I was ready for the day!

But the day had other plans…I had a friend cancel plans on me, got turned down for a date, and powered through a very emotional therapy session. Feeling quite defeated, I sat down for lunch when suddenly, I heard a “SNAP!”

My shoe had the AUDACITY to break.

What did I, a 28-year-old woman, do in this moment of human strife?

I cried like a baby.

I still had a long afternoon of responsibilities ahead of me, but I did not care. All I wanted to do was leave and not see or talk to anyone. I wanted to be a little kid again, call my mom to come pick me up from school, and drive through McDonald’s to get a chocolate milkshake that would cure all my woes.

But I am not a little kid. I am a big, fancy grown-up. And as grown-ups so often feel, I was not sympathetic toward my delicate demeanor. No, I was furious with myself for allowing such defeat to overtake me, lashing out mid-tears about how idiotic I was to choose such an outfit.

Like manna from Heaven, my coworker then asked if I still had the Sanctuary Shoes in my drawer. I cried some more, but this time not out of despair. This time I cried because Past Rachel had Future Rachel’s back. And I felt very guilty for resenting her just moments ago.

I constantly feel tempted to spite Past Rachel. I look back on wrong decisions and missed opportunities, and I think, “Why are you so dumb?” I am mean to Past Rachel, judging her choices as though they were the cause of every bad thing in Present Rachel’s life. Some of that is warranted; learning from our mistakes is a vital part of growth. But Past Rachel does not deserve most of the horrible attributes for which Present Rachel blames her.

Jesus is sad when we are cruel to ourselves. This is not the fullness of God’s grace made manifest among us and in us. Jesus paints a picture of little children entering the Kingdom of Heaven as the greatest of all people. Anyone in their right mind would not shame and scorn a child for honest mistakes, right? So why would I treat myself that way, if God asks me to humble myself as such? Our relationship with ourselves matters because sin and brokenness can show up there too. 

A broken shoe is not a sign from our Lord telling me I need to be kinder to myself, but it certainly is an opportunity to exercise grace instead of harshness, which never actually makes anything better. Grace makes things better, maybe that is why it is THE thing God offers us. We are called to gleeful resolve, resting faithfully in the love of our Almighty Father; only by acknowledging his power do we overcome our self-destructing shame. And that grace is better than any McDonald’s milkshake.

Prayer: 

Holy Father, you are so good. Thank you for loving me so fiercely. Help me to see myself as you see me, even when I feel most ashamed. Help me to be someone who gives grace to all, even to myself. Grant me the wisdom to look to you in all circumstances, accepting the grace that you’ve given me in all circumstances. Amen.